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The modern English version of the Nicene Creed
We believe in one God, the Father, the Almighty,
maker of heaven and earth, of all that is, seen and unseen.
We believe in one Lord, Jesus Christ, the only Son of God,
eternally begotten from the Father, God from God, Light from Light,
true God from true God, begotten, not made, of the same substance as the Father.
Through him all things were made.
For us men and for our salvation he came down from heaven:
by the power of the Holy Spirit
he was born of the Virgin Mary, and became man.
For our sake he was crucified under Pontius Pilate;
he suffered, died, and was buried.
On the third day he rose again in accordance with the Scriptures;
he ascended into heaven and is seated at the right hand of the Father.
He will come again in glory to judge the living and the dead,
and his kingdom will have no end.
We believe in the Holy Spirit, the Lord, the giver of life,
who proceeds from the Father and the Son.
With the Father and the Son he is worshipped and glorified.
He has spoken through the Prophets.
We believe in one holy catholic and apostolic Church.
We acknowledge one baptism for the forgiveness of sins.
We look for the resurrection of the dead,
and the life of the world to come. Amen.
The Nicene Creed, above, is accepted by almost every denomination of Christianity (Protestant, Roman Catholic, and Orthodox) as the definition of what it means to be a Christian. It was put together in 321 AD and amended in 381 AD as a reference point for what it meant to be a follower of Jesus (to be a Christian) or not. “Creed” (or “credo”) literally means “I believe” or “I agree with.” Does every Christian agree with what is included (and what is excluded) in the Nicene Creed? Of course not. But for the sake of simplicity, this is the definition I will use when I refer to “a Christian.”
A bit of background: People in the first/second/third century church lived in a topsy-turvy metropolitan world where politics and economy and culture and theology clashed and turned upside down and was confusing and bothersome and sometimes dangerous just like today. Before the canon of the scriptures coalesced, people were looking at this stack of letters and stories and poems and history and asking, “Which of these should be in the canon (what we know today as the Bible)?” They were digging deeper, yearning, seeking, praying about the question, “Who is this God?” and “Who is this Jesus?” (and “As followers of Jesus, who are we?”)
“Jesus is Lord” was the original uniting creed of the first Jesus-followers. Then, the Old Roman Creed preceded the Apostle’s Creed and was followed by other creeds (like the Nicene Creed above). The Nicene Creed formed through prayerful scholarly consideration into what was produced at the Council of Nicea (and later edited) which has been a pretty solid clarifications about what it means to be a Christian.
We hear people say things like, “We should be more like the first century or ‘early’ church,” but most people don’t know enough about the first century/early church to know how much we are like the first century/early church (already). We also live in a time where cultures clash on a regular basis and must learn what it means to be a citizen, a good neighbor, and how to follow Jesus with integrity as we navigate all of it…just like they did in the book of Acts.
Back to the Nicene Creed: I appreciate the Nicene Creed not only for what is included but for what is not included. What do I mean? For instance, according to this well-respected, long-standing base-line of what it means to be a follower of Jesus, one does not need to hold certain political views, economic views, or other convictions to be a Christian. Over the centuries, people who claim to (and may actually!) worship God, follow Jesus, listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit, and trust the Bible have all held varying opinions on the numerous aspects of culture. The question, “How does one follow Jesus within one’s culture?” is always in the air and open to discussion and interpretation as we read the ancient texts of the Bible (with respect and honesty) and aim to apply them to our own context. My assumption here is that a Christian would be one who respects and trusts the Bible (even if they disagree with others as to what any given verse or passage implies, infers, directs or describes).
Which brings me to this: months ago I posted something on Facebook about my decision-making process. The quick synopsis was that, when faced with the question, “How do I follow Jesus within my culture regarding the issue of ________?” I do the following: read the Bible, pray, read what other intelligent Christians have to say, think, discuss with friends (repeat as necessary). If after some time I still cannot come to a solid conclusion, and I see that other intelligent and kind Christians also disagree, I will choose to lean toward the most compassionate side of the argument (“compassionate” in my opinion of course, compassion can be subjective) and not judge others for their convictions or choices (as long they are not harming others). For example, if I am torn over how to vote (for a person or an issue), and after prayer, study, discussion and thought still cannot make a decision, I will lean towards the most compassionate side. If others choose to vote a different way or choose not to vote at all, oh well. There will be no judgement from me, and I would like to assume the same from others. Contrary to what many people think, the Bible is NOT clear on many modern issues. I am a Christian (Jesus-follower, etc), not a Biblicalian (I think I just invented that word), and one of the basic ideas of following Jesus is to FOLLOW JESUS. The Bible is not equivalent to God. It is to be respected, read, and referenced, but not worshipped. Also, millions have “successfully” lived as a Christian without the Bible or even the ability to read. But that’s another thing for another time…
Christianity is divided, and is continually dividing, into more and more groups based on differing views of what it means to follow Jesus within one’s culture. Whole denominations splinter off based on differing opinions/convictions on as little as one issue. Which, honestly, is fine as long as they do so with humility (realizing they might be wrong). But, let’s be honest, that’s probably not often the case.
What is culture? “Culture” is what encompasses our daily life, especially in relationships: families, communities, friends, and nations. We have an American culture. I live in a Southern American culture, but also a coastal culture. Each church or denomination has a culture (we affectionately call ours the “vibe” or the “special sauce”). Each city has its own culture. One can belong to the theatrical, video gaming, sports, or artistic culture (or a combination). Culture involves music, food, money, politics, religion, holidays, national ideals, festivals, language, histories, and myths.
What is myth? We often use “myth” in place of “fiction” but myths are grand stories that carry meaning and purpose for a people. Using narrative and metaphor (and great storytelling!), they help answer questions like, “Who are we?,” “Where did we come from?,” “What do we value?,” and “Where are we going?” Nations have myths. Families have myths. Religions have myths. Even sports teams have myths. When it comes to myths, don’t confuse facts with Truth. They might be the same thing…but they might not.
Authentically following Jesus in the 21st Century as a middle-class American may look vastly different than following Jesus as a Chinese peasant or a Norwegian business woman or an African tribal chief or a poor American or a black American or a Native American or a displaced Ukrainian or … you get the idea (I hope). Subtract 10, 100, or 1000 years in any culture and you may get an even different picture of what it means to faithfully follow Jesus in that culture. Simply acknowledging that last statement should open up the doors for some understanding and compassion as we press on. On the flip side, if you’re thinking, “No, we have the same Bible we’ve had for centuries, and what it said then is what it says now. Therefore, how we dress, eat, pray and act should be the same as it ever was!”…well, it’s simply not that simple.
There are lots and lots of decisions to make as we aim to navigate faithfulness to Jesus and living in our culture(s). In some Christian circles, folks call these decisions “convictions.” One might realize that it’s not an “am-I-a-Christian-or-not?” issue, but one feels “convicted” to make a decision one way or the other. This is very subjective and a touchy subject. When one claims they have “heard from God” or that they have “sensed the leading of the Holy Spirit,” it’s impossible to know what actually went on inside their heart and mind. One should always tread lightly on either side of this – as BOTH the one who claims they have heard from God or the one who hears the claim. Be fair. Be humble. Be nice. And be quiet if at all possible. A friend and I have joked that our church motto ought to be “Love God, love others, shut up.”
So, what are some issues facing the Church in the USA? By “the Church” I mean all who call themselves Christians – those who acknowledge Jesus and put their hope and faith in him, his Resurrection, and the voice and power of the Holy Spirit (see the Nicene Creed above). Below is a partial list of issues and some possible stories (fiction, but totally real). Also, I may cite a few references, but I’m not going to support every single point or provide every reference here. I’m not writing a research paper. I did the hard work of seeking, finding, reading, digesting, praying, discussing, (and repeating!), and so can you. I will also try to keep my personal views in check. Each of these topics could have innumerable variations.
*Disclaimer: I used a random name generator for these scenarios. random-name-generator.info
Here we go…
Politics
Flora chose to vote for one candidate because that contender is against abortion (which she deems very important). She feels the Bible is clear on issues of life and this is a no compromise issue. She hates that her candidate of choice is soft on pollution, because she also believes God made the earth beautiful and put us in charge to care for it, but the environment is down her list of importance.
Down the street, Rickey, who is also a Christian, chooses to vote for the other candidate. Rickey hates abortion as well but sees the environment as a supremely crucial issue, not only for the Biblical mandate to care for the earth, but for the survival of us all. So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Tattoos
In 1 Corinthians 6:19, the Bible says that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit. We should take care of them and treat them with respect. God gave us our bodies to serve him, care for others and enjoy life. Therefore, Loni has decided to get a tattoo. Why? Loni sees a well-thought-out tattoo as a work of art. Churches and cathedrals have long been adorned with works of art, so why not her “temple?” She realizes that many may object because of one verse in Leviticus (19:28) or because of social convention. However, her tattoo has no offensive language or artwork, and she is completely comfortable with her decision.
Kyle, on the other hand, has chosen not to get a tattoo and feels they are not compatible with following Jesus. Although he may agree that the verse in Leviticus was for the priests or to separate the original Hebrews as they were coming out of Egypt (as an identity marker, other cultures had tattoos as a part of their worship), he still feels that tattoos are somewhat of an idol or a purposeful blemish on the body God gave him. So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Food/Drink
Lots of folks showed up for the church picnic. Everyone brought something to share. Phillip brought a turkey he got from the grocery store and cooked in his own oven. Tammy has chosen to be a vegetarian, because she feels the meat industry is cruel to animals (and the Bible tells us not to be cruel and to care for creation). She is a bit offended and aghast as Philip makes a scene out of carving the dead animal. Philip has read the Bible as well, and one of his favorite stories is when Peter has the vision of the sheet coming down from heaven (Acts 10). The sheet is filled with animals, and a voice from heaven tells Peter to feel free to eat any of them. He thinks that is awesome. So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Owen brought several 2-liters of various soda to the picnic. He is a generous person and loves to bring a little joy to the party (especially for the kids). He sees his money as actually God’s money and wants to use it to serve others. He sets up a little drink station on a card table and also has kickballs and frisbees for the kids to share. Parents love Owen because he cares about kids (and isn’t creepy!). He even brings reusable cups because he cares about the environment.
Henry cannot believe Owen brought soda to the picnic, especially without the parents’ permission. Sugar is proven to be very addictive and can cause all kinds of health issues. God gave us wisdom to think through issues and take care of our bodies. To link sugar with “joy” and “church” really bothers Henry. He loves kids as well (and has 2 of his own) and feels he has been put in the “bad cop” position in front of his kids at the picnic. So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Rachel brought a small keg of home brewed beer to the picnic. She abhors the mass commercialization of anything, because it usually infers that somewhere/somehow people are being treated like cattle or slaves (it’s all throughout the Bible…Egypt, Babylon, Rome…). She sees her homebrewing as a way to keep things local and humane. Also, her husband really enjoys her recipe (and so do his friends!) and she sees this as one way to show him some love and respect (Proverbs 31). She and her hubs have 3 kids and they teach them wisdom, moderation, and sensibility when it comes to alcohol. Jesus made extra wine at a wedding and the Psalms and Ecclesiastes talk about alcohol making the heart glad, so she feels at ease bringing it. Earl is furious that Rachel dared bring alcohol to a church picnic. There are all kinds of warnings about alcohol in scripture. He is especially angry because children are present, AND he feels it is a “bad witness” (wrong presentation) for the non-Christians who are at the park with them. So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
LGBT (lesbian, gay bi-sexual, transgender) (I’m aware there are other terms and initials.)
Sue has known she is attracted to the same sex for years. At first she was confused, but no longer. She was never abused in any way and grew up in a conservative home. She decided to follow Jesus and was baptized when she was 14. After years of wrestling with everything, she has neither lost her faith in Jesus nor come to the conclusion that she is “broken.” After years of prayer, study, discussion, and thought (and lots of repetition), she is very comfortable being both a Christian and having a partner, Sylvia (who worships with her at their church). They are pleased that there is a growing number of Christian authors, pastors and theologians, who are both intelligent and devoted to Jesus (and the Bible), who are publishing books and blogs that teach that the 5 or 6 scriptures that mention homosexuality may need some re-interpretation.
Kara has also known that she was attracted to the same sex for years, but she feels the scriptures are clear about homosexuality (that the acts are a sin). She has chosen to remain celibate. She is not ashamed of her orientation, but feels they need to be second next to following Jesus and scripture. She struggles at times but is confident in her decision.
Lee is clearly heterosexual but feels compassion for his LGBT friends. He has struggled with how to process scripture, scientific research, his church’s stance, and his own feelings about this issue. After prayer, thinking, reading and discussion, he has chosen to affirm his LGBT friends.
Stan is heterosexual and doesn’t see why everyone is researching and praying about this. The Bible is clear. If one “thinks” or “feels” an inclination towards the same sex, they need to recognize it is sin and repent. Stan loves his LGBT friends (and is kind to them), but, in his mind, he also loves his friends who lie and steal. Sin is sin.
So, although THEY ALL FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Creation/Evolution
Jeremiah is a devout follower of Jesus and is entranced by science. He sees science as the study of everything God made (and therefore the study of it as a form of worship). He loves investigating, reading, experimenting, debating, and sharing anything about science. He see the creation account in Genesis as myth. It’s mythical, because it is a grand story that carries meaning, purpose and direction for those who follow God: God was always present, God is supremely intelligent, God is artistic, God is orderly, God loves systems that are alive, God bestowed his image to humanity (awareness, creativity, care-taking, etc), the earth is beautiful, humans need boundaries, violating boundaries has consequences, and God loves us more than we could ever imagine. He does not see the creation account in Genesis as factual but that in no way takes away its Truth. His favorite hymn is All Creatures of our God and King and is fascinated with the evidence of the various strands of the Theory of Evolution.
Darrel loves God and views the creation account in Genesis 1-2 as literal. He sees any attempt to promote the Theory of Evolution as an attempt to thwart the Word of God (if we cannot trust the words in the Bible as literal, where does it stop?). He is intelligent and has collected quite a lot of research to support his views. He cannot see a compromise with faith and evolutionary science.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Roles of Men and Women
Jill reads passages like 1 Corinthians 14 (women should be silent in church), 1 Timothy 2 (women are not permitted to teach), Proverbs 31 (women should honor their husbands and serve them), and what she feels is a general theme in scripture and is convicted that men should lead, women should support (or teach kids), and the roles are clear. When women like Deborah became leaders (Judges 4), it was only because of weak male leadership (but not what God wanted). She is happy, content, and fulfilled with her roles as homemaker and supporter.
Karl is convinced after reading passages like Romans 16 (which includes a list of female leaders, co-workers of Paul, teachers), the gospel accounts of Jesus’ death and Resurrection (which says that the women were the ones who didn’t run away and were the first to be sent to tell others), and the fact that Jesus allowed Mary (Martha’s sister, Luke 10) to sit at his feet and learn like a disciple as Jesus’ approval of women being in leadership. He has no problem with listening to women preach or teach and is happy that his daughter can serve God however she is led.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Economics (and maybe How to Help the Poor)
Jacob thinks capitalism is the best economic system the world has to offer and it is based on scriptural principles. Verses like 2 Thessalonians 3:10 (no work = no eat) and many of the general economic principles in Proverbs (about saving and working hard) are precious to him. He also resonates with Samuel’s warnings about the Jews’ desire for a king (that a king will tax and enslave you, 1 Samuel 8) and hates government waste and oversight. He does not see caretaking of the poor to be the government’s job, but rather the church’s. He gives generously to his church which has lots of great programs to help folks. He is very charitable with his money and hopes to make even more money someday (so he can be more generous).
Teri appreciates the verses that Jacob loves and also feels that capitalism is better than most any economic system…but she has her misgivings. Although one is free to work hard and economically move up, capitalism does seem to favor those who already have a head-start. There also seems to be a pragmatic mentality (if it works, it’s ok) inherent in capitalism where the weak can be left behind or even trampled upon (as they often are). Also, politicians (and those with political interests) use their financial clout to sway public policy. She agrees with conservative economic advisors (many who even use scripture as a reference) but is wary of ideals in which financial concerns come first. She has no problem with the USA moving toward a “soft-socialism” like some European countries, and views government caretaking as a gift from God.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Miracles/Prayer
Mack prays to God all the time but has no expectation of miracles. When he prays, he asks God for wisdom and insight, and he offers thankfulness and praise. He views the stories of miracles in the Bible as descriptive (describing what happened) but not prescriptive (what we ought to do today). He feels that Jesus was obviously divinely gifted and the apostles had a similar designation. He has never seen or experienced a miracle and is a little embarrassed when his Christian friends pray for them. However, he does feel that Jesus cares about our troubles and is with us, but that we are to use his guidance and our own common sense and intelligence to solve our problems.
Louis loves the stories of prayer and miracles in the Bible. He feels that Jesus’ commission to pray for others is extended to us and has no idea why Christians would think otherwise. He has prayed for lots of miracles (healings, etc) and people have occasionally verified that God healed them. He does not lose his faith when people are not healed and keeps on praying.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Parenting
Dennis and Violet feel very strongly about having firm boundaries for their children. They feel that God gives us clear boundaries (with rewards and punishments) through the 10 Commandments and other scriptures, so they provide the same. They have fairly rigid schedules and chore lists and feel it provides a healthy structure for the children. The children memorize scripture verses from an early age and are not allowed to spend the night at other families’ homes (where they would not be under the direct guidance of their parents). They do not feel they are over-protective but rather do not want to abdicate their parental responsibilities to others.
Anthony and Nina love their children dearly as well but do not see the raising of their children as their sole responsibility. They have a high value for their church family and see the raising of children as a somewhat shared responsibility. They understand that when Joseph and Mary did not worry about where Jesus was (when he was 12), it was because they trusted the faith community. Anthony and Nina view parenting as more of guidance than as direct instruction, allowing the Holy Spirit to speak to their children in time (their view of Proverbs 22:6). They do, of course, provide general boundaries for health and well-being, but not too strictly.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
Race relations
Andrea feels that she should have friends, especially Christian friends, with people of other races. She highly values worshipping with people who don’t look like her or share her culture. She feels that the picture painted at the end of Revelation, of all kinds of people from all over worshipping Jesus together, is part of the end goal. So, we should strive for that today. She sees that the dream Peter has in Acts 10 isn’t only about food but also about racial reconciliation. She is not personally responsible for the atrocities done to other races but she acknowledges the real pain and the real consequences and seeks to come together.
Howard is just fine worshipping and being friends with folks of his own race. He holds no contempt for those in other races or cultures, but he sees no reason to make himself uncomfortable simply for that reason. He has plenty of work to do, kids to raise, and his church is vibrant through worship and loving others in the community. He loves the verse that says a good soldier should not get entangled with unnecessary battles (2 Timothy 2:4), and he sees that cross-racial endeavors can be just that – unnecessary battles.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
War/Military
Kelvin loves the USA. He loves the 4th of July, F16 fighter jets, the US soccer team, and prays for military victories. He sees the USA as an agent of God in the midst of global turmoil. Why? Because in the USA we have a Constitution (which was written by men of faith) which protects human rights, allows people the freedom to worship, and fights for the same around the world. Kelvin feels all of members of the military are heroes (unless they’ve committed a crime). Kelvin feels there is a precedent for “just war” in scripture (specifically the book of Joshua) and the many times the Bible says we should “defend the weak.” When he pledges allegiance to the US Flag, he knows his allegiance is to Jesus first, but the USA is his home and must be defended…just as he would defend his wife and children should someone break in their home.
Wallace is thankful for his freedom but has a hard time justifying war, especially any war that doesn’t seem to be for the protection of anyone (except financial interests…which seems to be most wars). Wallace does not hold anything against any member of the military, but doesn’t see where killing anyone is justified. In fact, when he reads that Jesus wept over Jerusalem, because they kept choosing nationalism over worship (and Jesus told them it would get them killed, Luke 19) – and when he reads that Jesus took the sword out of Peter’s hand in the Garden of Gethsemane (Matthew 26) and told him “all who draw the sword will die by the sword” – well, Wallace thinks that what Jesus meant (quit choosing violence and war). The prophets Joel, Micah, and Isaiah all say the day will come when we beat our “swords into plowshares” and one sign of the rule of Jesus is that we no longer wage war…even if it gets us killed like Jesus. Wallace has a lot of respect for people who have died protecting our country but has a hard time pledging allegiance to anything or anyone other than Jesus.
So, although THEY BOTH FOLLOW JESUS and have read the Bible, prayed, read other writings, discussed with friends and thought heavily on the issue, they have formed different convictions.
——
If you feel I am trying to convince you to change your convictions on any issue, that is NOT my point here. If you have prayed, thought, read, and discussed (and repeated), and you come to conclusions that are different than mine (or your spouse’s, or your neighbor’s, or your co-worker’s, or your pastor’s…), that is fine. I am NOT asking anyone to compromise their convictions. I am also NOT inferring you should be a member of a church where you disagree with the leadership on issues you deem really important. We all have to choose our battles – no one agrees with everyone all the time – so it’s good to find a church home where you can feel “at home.”
BUT…my point is that we need to realize that we do, in fact, have Christian brothers and sisters with whom we disagree (sometimes a lot).
Imagine a city-wide worship service where everyone from every church in town is invited to come. Imagine a black gospel choir opens up the service with an awesome song and invites all to join in (but some in the crowd are convicted that dancing and clapping are sinful or out of order). Imagine a female pastor opens up the service with a prayer (but many in the crowd think that women should not be pastors). Imagine a volunteer from a particular church is invited to pray, and they pray for military victory for our soldiers overseas (and some in the crowd are against it or they have friends in that country who might be in harm’s way). Imagine a gay man speaks for 10 minutes on Jesus’ parable of the Good Samaritan to promote community service, forgiveness and love (and many cannot believe he was invited to speak). Imagine a Puerto Rican immigrant, a new citizen, shares his testimony in Spanish through a translator (and some in the crowd are like, aren’t we in America?). Imagine a neighbor whose parents are 2 different races asks everyone to shake hands with 5 people who don’t look like them and say “so glad you’re here!” (and some are thinking, this is just too uncomfortable and unnecessary). Imagine a white guy-with-a-guitar leads a final song of worship and then invites everyone to his favorite pub for fellowship after the service (yeah, he did that).
Are your knickers in such a twist that you cannot pray…or worship…or hear truth from scripture…or love your neighbor…or acknowledge that each of these are professing, praying, believing, worshipping Christians (your brothers and sisters in Jesus)?
One big issue for some of us is that sometimes it’s way more of a cultural jump to even BE WITH some of our brothers and sisters in Jesus than it is to be with those who are not Christians. If you are a no-tattoo, no-alcohol, miracle-expecting Christian, it can be a serious stretch to spend time with an “inked” preacher who is holding a beer and does NOT want you to pray for his sprained ankle (thank you, very much).
OR
It can be legitimately difficult for a pacifist-minded, environmentalist, homeschooling lesbian mom to spend time with an ultra-patriotic, public school sending, “red-white-and-blue-blooded” mom…even though they both love Jesus, pray to the same Jesus, and read the same Bible.
You get the idea.
But even now, some of you may be bursting to defend any of your convictions on these issues. And you may be right! But that’s not the point right now. The point is that one can read the Bible, pray, discuss, think, read what other Christians have to say, hear sermons (repeat), and hold certain convictions that differ from others…and each can be a Christian.
Others will NOT know we are Christians because of our convictions on issues.
John 13:34-35 “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
Thinking outside of one’s culture in order to be more understanding and compassionate can be difficult, because culture is like the air we breathe. It’s just there. We normally don’t notice our culture until it’s rattled a bit. You know, like:
- when the exchange student lives with you and wonders why Americans are either so uptight about alcohol or completely out of control with its consumption, or
- when the new family in the neighborhood plays their music so loud in the backyard, or
- when a missionary from China says that many of them pray to Jesus and talk to their ancestors as well, or
- when someone of a different color speaks at your church, or
- when you say the prayer at a predominantly black church gathering and they echo your prayers while you’re praying and say “yes!”, or
- when your kids bring some of their Christian friends home from college for Spring break and they have tattoos and piercings and offer to clean the table or pray for your headache, or
- when your close friends or family start to reveal their differences of belief on social media, or…
Many of us, like the elder brother in the story of the Prodigal Son (Luke 15), are addicted to being “good.” We are addicted to the approval from others – parents, friends, authorities. In our culture, we are super stars. We stick to our values and are emboldened by them. Others are encouraged to reach our standards. And then someone challenges them and suggests that it might not be that way. Others get to be a Christian without having to hold the same convictions we have and it messes with our reality. I am one of those who is addicted to approval – at least I think I’m in recovery.
Unfortunately, when many of us have our realities jostled, we spiral out of control. It’s a cliché, but so many “good Christian kids” get a wider view of the world and lose their anchor. They feel that they have been sold a lie and throw the baby (faith in Jesus) out with the bathwater (false foundations of what it means to be a Christian). Others go hog-wild with their newfound “freedom in Christ.” Still, others hold on even more tightly to the fundamentals of the faith of their past out of fear of chaos. They become even more entrenched in the culture wars and become bitter.
Along with the Nicene Creed they were taught they also had to hold other certain convictions to be a Christian…and when they find out they don’t agree with any of them any longer, they leave the Church altogether. Sometimes, parents (or other authorities) infer or implicitly state, that if they change the convictions they were taught, they will not have their approval or love. I’ve seen it, and I’m sure we all have. It’s heartbreaking and from the Accuser (ha-satan). Maybe the parents are also addicted to approval and need others in their churches to see that they are raising “good Christian kids.”
People who “take a 2nd look at Scripture” or who come to hold convictions that others define as “liberal” are often accused of giving in to the culture. They are being accused of loosening up the demands of the Bible to make Christianity seem more appealing (or something like that). But to whose culture are they giving in? Surely not the evangelical culture, the traditional culture, most likely not their parents’ culture, or probably not even the culture they swim in right now. Why would someone shake the boat or “loosen” the Scriptures? Compassion? Maybe, but is compassion a wrong thing? Wanting to be accepted by non-Christian peers? Maybe, but who are we to judge. Let’s just be careful with accusations.
Like our ancient ancestors, we are still tribal in nature (probably way more than we’d like to admit). Maybe it’s embedded in our DNA. To survive, many tribes held together, maintained unity, and were wary of anything different. Anything that was different might kill, eat, infect, or dilute them. Survival was key, and many of us still operate that way…OUT OF FEAR. As Christians, we are supposed to be unafraid because Jesus is with us and overcame death. We defend our faith, stand up for truth, rant against the evil culture and draw our lines but it all comes across as fear or hate. We’re so worried about being good little Christians that it’s ruining what we are supposed to do – love God, love others, and enjoy life. We say we desperately want others to follow Christ, but we’ve drawn such thick tribal lines that we make it nearly impossible for others to even want to join us.
So are there any lines at all? If someone follows Jesus, they need to repent of stealing, quit stealing and ask for forgiveness if they do it again. If someone decides to follow Jesus, they need to repent of lying, quit lying, and ask for forgiveness if they do it again. But I hope I’ve established my point – issues that on which we can disagree and still be brothers and sisters in Christ. This was one of Paul’s HUGE issues in all of his writings – Gentiles do not have to hold Jewish convictions to be Jesus-followers. Gentiles cannot make fun of Jews for holding their convictions. Jews cannot look down on Gentiles for seeming to be flippant. Jews are allowed to bring Gentile friends over (and vice versa). Many of us have no idea what a giant cultural leap this was for both sides (and the many facets among those 2 large groupings).
Why must we put our personal convictions down a notch or 2 and let love, patience and non-judgmentalism rise above (Luke 6, Matthew 7, etc)? Because Jesus said so. The Good News is that Jesus is Lord…not any of our personal convictions. And Jesus is way more gracious, compassionate, patient and loving than most of us even imagine.
“You are great but you are gracious. You are power but you are patient. You’ve got kindness in your heart for folks like us. You’re a friend to the sinner. You keep the losers, you keep the winners. You call us sons, you call us daughters, folks like us.” Adam Russell (Folks Like Us)
“If you want to know what I believe, I can say I’m more convinced of the Nicene Creed than I’ve ever been. Most everything else is entirely up for negotiation, and will hopefully remain so.” Jonathan Martin
Filed under: Uncategorized
The economy is bad. Our finances are tight. This city is transient. My child’s school is in danger of losing their charter. But my kids are healthy, my wife is strong and beautiful and intelligent, and I’m at peace.
Filed under: Uncategorized
The government, via an outsourced agency, says we are now “approved” to adopt through the state system. Super. The long process is finally seeing light in the tunnel. At the end of the tunnel is another child in our family. This is crazy…and exciting. I hate being bored. I’m never bored with kids in the house. What else am I going to do? Travel and eat out all the time?
I think that God is definitely taking our weakness and making it our strength. Janna and I just cannot produce a child. We tried using various ways and means and it just didn’t happen. Biologically speaking…we are weak. Genetically, we should fade away. Fortunately there is a force and a Person that stands over and against weakness by embracing it. In our weakness we get the privilege of embodying the spirit of adoption that flows from the heart of the Father. My children are mine. They are Moores. They are not replacements nor facsimiles. They are real and they are mine. I get the privilege of raising them. They hone me. They are a spiritual discipline that tests me beyond personal prayer or fasting. I chose to raise them and I can’t un-choose that. Everyday I awake to face the reality that they need something from me. I have to wake up. I have to clean up. I have to make sure they learn basic hygiene and politeness. What I believe about Jesus and Christianity is tested everyday. Have you ever tried to explain faith or God or the Holy Spirit or prayer to a child? And have you ever done it without lying to them or to yourself? I strain to be honest with what I believe and yet get on their level. It is really, really difficult. Not only do we have two children but we have a boy and a girl…one each. And they are different. Bess cries for reasons I know not. She is emotional. She wants me to be near. I must put away the phone when we play. I must. She doesn’t understand that during the day someone may need to call Daddy. And Isaiah is all boy. He hits and he throws and he runs and he yells. And it’s beautiful. He makes me tired and I love it…I don’t always like it but it’s amazing.
Rushing from adrenaline rush to adrenaline rush…mountain top to mountain top…we tend to abhor what we label (mis-label) as everyday, boring tedium. Washing dishes, folding the laundry, washing the car, fixing the gate to the yard, chopping carrots, putting kids to bed, re-organizing our closet…
We want to do “big things.” You know, like watch a great movie (ha). We want a “chicken soup for the soul,” “hallmark hall of fame” moment to wash over us every day. If we don’t feel the electric tingles or the weepies we think a moment must not have been “real” or “worthy” of retelling. And maybe it’s not worthy of retelling…at least in the awesome dinner story around the table. But it’s the everyday stuff that is most definitely real. Maybe even more real, real-er, than those “precious moments” that we like to romanticize. Maybe the campfire Jesus sat around with the disciples was just as real and worthy as the miracles the disciples witnessed. Maybe taking a meal to a family is just as (more!) worthy than starting a charity. 
Janna and I started the process to adopt through the state of Georgia 13 months ago. It began slowly. An application packet received, then a 16 hour intro class, then we stalled. Life got in the way. We already have 2 kids and a busy life. We went on a marriage weekend retreat and one of our assignments was to take a walk together and discuss the future. We decided to finish our application packet by Christmas 2010. We did. Then it took 3 1/2 months for our fingerprints to come back (yay govt budget cuts and red tape). We finally got an email stating our file was complete and someone would call us to schedule a home visit. That was over a week ago. So we wait. On one hand, we do have things to do. We’re not sitting around waiting for a child. We have 2 of those. We have jobs. On the other hand, we are waiting. And it can be annoying. The state (DFCS, Dept of Family/Children Services) has billboards all around saying “Foster or Adopt Today.” Yep. Maybe not today. And now I hear my 2 year old saying “Dada!” from the bedroom and my 8 year old is awake. THAT will not wait. Gotta go.
Filed under: Fighting Inertia
“Winners never quit” is a dumb phrase. I quit all the time. Like today. I’m done. I’m sure I’ll re-sign-up tomorrow. Maybe. Probably. But today I’m done, finished, through. I have plans for tomorrow though. Tomorrow I will wake up, drink coffee, read some more of a book I’m 3/4 through, drink coffee, stretch, pray, take a walk, have a good conversation, pray, read, and maybe walk some more. I’m pretty sure I’ll re-sign-up after that. But tonight…I quit. 
The following is our story. It is not meant to teach or be a how-to manual. It’s just our story. Our adoption was very unique but our infertility struggle was not. After telling this story many times I was encouraged to write it down. It’s the most personal thing I’ve ever put in public view. The picture is a picture of a Polaroid picture taken within minutes of meeting our pretty baby.
Before I was a dad, even before I was a husband, I knew I wanted to be both. I wanted to be a dad. When Janna and I were getting to know each other, it was obvious that she also wanted to have children – to be a mom – a Mama.
We got married on June 22, 1996 (that’s another story) and moved to Augusta, Ga. We decided it was probably a good idea to postpone having kids at least for a while. We need to get to know each
other, enjoy being married, all the standard reasons.
Just before our first anniversary, we helped plan and lead a camp for inner city kids 9-13 years of age – Camp Flood. During that week, we were able to have a rare private conversation, and we decided to start “trying” to have a child when we returned. It had been a year and who knew how long it might take. We had friends who had had trouble conceiving. Why wait any longer? Interesting note: In a rare private moment at a youth camp in July of 1995, we talked and nailed down the fact that we were “best friends.” Four months later we were engaged. Maybe I need to go to camp with my wife more often.
During the next year (June 97-98) several things changed in our lives. We came within 4 hours of signing a lease on a house and moving to Marietta, GA (3 hours away) to help with the youth group at the Marietta Vineyard Church. What stopped us? I was offered the youth pastor position at our church in Augusta. We felt it was the right thing to do – to remain where God had us – so we unpacked our apartment (we had totally packed up thinking we were moving shortly), we signed another year lease on our apar
tment, and began to prepare to work with the youth full time. Oh, and Janna was offered a position at a school – a position that was just created – and no other applicants were considered. The rest of the summer was somewhat relaxing as we unpacked and got ready for a great new year. The previous year, our first year of marriage, had been really tough. We discovered we didn’t really know each other that well. I HATED my teaching job – maybe I was young and naïve, maybe the school was poorly ran, maybe it was a tough area, maybe I was in a new city with few friends, or maybe I wanted my mom – maybe all of the above.
But that was over now. I was taking my dream job – working with teenagers in a Vineyard Chu
rch that not only would allow me to do ministry my way, but also shared the same values. In April 98, we bought our first house – a very cool (dare I say “cute”) bungalow that was 1 mile from the church and 2 blocks from Janna’s school. There wasn’t a door on the guest bedroom but it had a nice-sized yard, real wood floors, a deck, and a fence in the back yard – for dogs…and maybe kids.
I loved my job, the teens, my co-workers, my wife, my house, my small group at church and life was trucking on.
But month after month, very noticeably, we weren’t getting pregnant. It wasn’t a huge thing until a year went by and we wondered – “maybe something is wrong.” Our home group and certain family members were praying for us…but…nothing. We took some advice from friends and sex-perts and such…but…nothing.
Finally, we sought professional help. A friend from church was a “lady-doctor” [OBGYN] an
d Janna felt very comfortable with her. Her initial advice was to “take off our wedding rings, move to a bad neighborhood, or have sex in the back of Janna’s dad’s truck” and see if that worked – it seemed to work for other young ladies. Ha. We love her.
So, we did all of those things (not really) and moved on to the next steps. The temperature readings, the hormone medicine (aka “the devil medicine”), the phone calls at inopportune times for me to “come home now” (let the reader understand), the strategies, etc, etc, etc. “Scientific sex” as folks called it was not natural, sometimes laughable, and not producing a darn thing – except anxiety and that empty feeling. Other friends were having babies…why not us? Invitations to baby showers were coming in the mail…the “club” was getting bigger…but Janna was not. I took the liberty of throwing a few invitations in the trash before Janna knew about them…only to have her find out
later and get angry with me – not because she didn’t know about them and go, but because others might think she knew about it and blew it off – on purpose. I was trying to be a good husband…but the whole situation was just tough. We were beginning to feel the identity of “the couple that can’t conceive” and we didn’t want that. We were Kent and Janna – or rather kentnjanna – not “the barren couple.”
Our dogs helped though – seriously – I miss Buford and Millie, the basset hounds. They traveled with us, slept at the foot of our bed, had 2 litters of puppies together, barked a bit too much and got out of the fence occasionally, and were generally awesome. By the way, there is NOTHING cuter than a basset hound puppy.
After some time (I forget the actual time line), we decided to take the next step – see a specialist, one whom our friend/lady-doctor recommended, and go from there. Dr. [Frenchman with cold hands] was su
per. We tried a few things but the next big step was artificial insemination – which is just as unnatural and weird as it sounds – like something that happens on a farm with test tubes, latex gloves, and turkey-baster-type instruments. “Hi, honey. Was it good for you?”
Now, I have a whole stand-up comedy routine based on this experience, but I’ll save that for another time. It’s rated PG-13, but it is hilarious and real. Basically, I had to humor myself to get through this completely embarrassing and invasive ordeal.
On to the story. Over the course of the next 2 years we tried A.I. 3 times.
Each time the doctor told us the same thing – it all looks as good as it can, it’s never 100% sure, but close enough. And each time, about 2 weeks later, Janna discovered she was not pregnant. The first time was tough, but “ok, we’ll try again.” The doctor suggested trying it 2-3 times. The second time was tou
gher, but “ok, let’s give it one more shot.” The third time was a whole different experience. We knew going into this that it would be the last time we tried using this method. We felt good about it. We would go for the procedure then head out of town for annual staff retreat at the beach – a good time to relax (especially for Janna who didn’t have to attend the business type meetings) and just see what happens. 2 days into the retreat my wife feels ill and vomits. I immediately think, “my wife is pregnant! I’m going to be a dad. It worked.” I went to the store to get Sprite and crackers while she calls her doctor to ask some questions. When I return she says the doctor feels it’s too early to experience morning sickness. She was right – Janna simply had a virus. So, the first time my wife vomits in about 10 years happens to be 2 days after A.I. – we feel like a cruel joke is being played on us.
I also need to insert a side-story here. In the weeks leading up to the procedure and retreat, we discovered that Millie, our 3 year-old basset, had lymphoma. The vet says it usually works its way through the body quickly and we had two basic options: spend a few thousand dollars with a specialist and she might live a few more years, or see what happens but she’ll probably die soon. We did NOT have thousands of dollars for our dog – as lovable as she was – and opted for the latter. John Wesley was known to pray for his horse, so I prayed for my dog. But, Millie got worse. She was soon blind and ate very little. It was sad.
A few days after we returned home, a full 2 weeks after the procedure, Janna woke up to discover that, again, she was not pregnant. And to compound the atmosphere in the Moore-house, Millie could no lo
nger even get up and walk. I scooped her up and took her to the vet. I called Janna to say that it was over and we really needed to put her to sleep. She chose not to be there when they did it nor help with the burial – choices I fully understood. So, I had our Millie put to sleep, brought her home and buried her in the back yard, called in to say that I would not be working that day, turned the phones off, pulled down the curtains, and watched bad movies with Janna. It was a dark day – maybe the darkest – for the Moore-house. It was tough, very tough.
Buford, our male basset (whose middle name was “Belvedere” – I had the official paperwork to prov
e this – did I mention we didn’t have any kids?), was a lonely little hound dog. If you can imagine a basset hound looking more mournful that it already does…imagine that. He wouldn’t eat much and stayed very near our sides…and whined a lot through his nose – and oh the howling…
After two weeks of this, I was through. I announced, “We have to get another female basset” – to which Janna responded, “we can’t afford it” to which I responded, “I don’t care – sometimes you have to use the credit card.” So I made phone calls to the 2 kennels where we found Millie and Buford. Let me add here that they were both family owned kennels – out on the farm, treated well, and the kind of families you’d want to have over for dinner – not pet
mills.
The kennel where we bought Millie did in fact have a female basset puppy available so we loaded up the car and drove 1.5 hours to the country, bought the puppy, and drove 1.5 hours back home. We named her Lula Bell (or LuLu as she would be known). At first, Buford, who was 3 years old at the time, wasn’t so sure about this little girl but he warmed up to her and she brought some joy back into the Moore-house.
The next step for us, according to Dr. Frenchman-cold-hands, was in vitro fertilization – a procedure t
hat would cost us about $10,000 (if I remember correctly) and have a slightly higher chance of success as A.I. I am very aware that in vitro is in a moral and/or ethical gray area for many people – and I get that (unused embryos, etc). We decided NOT to proceed with in vitro – it was a gray area but we didn’t feel so much that we would be violating ethics but merely that we could neither afford it nor did we want to go through the hope-roller-coaster again. In other words, we opted not to do it, but neither do we judge others who have tried in vitro (success or not).
So, we basically had two options: just resign to the fact that we may not have children (unless God allows us to get pregnant some day) or go the route of adoption. We opted for both.
Through a recommendation, we called an adoption lawyer in town and made an appointment – it wa
s in the early spring of 2002. Our appointment was an introduction and overview of how her system worked. She was not an “adoption agency” per se but did have a list of couples that we could join. Through various ways and means, she did occasionally get word of a baby that needed a family and we could be on that list. We talked about how adoption works, open or closed, racial concerns, handicap concerns, and all sorts of other topics. Along with being on her list, she wanted us to do something else: write 2 letters. One letter would be written to a “Dear Contact Person” – a Contact Person could be anyone who might hear of or be involved in a situation where a baby needed a home – a doctor, lawyer, social worker, nurse, teacher, etc. In this letter we were to write about who we were (jobs, ages, family) and why we wanted a child. We were also to include her contact information and our own.
The second letter was to be attached but it was to be written to “Dear Birth Mother.” It would be a very similar letter as the first but much warmer. “We know you are going through a tough time” – “We are so thankful you are giving life to this baby” – And it would also include who we were, how we would love to have this baby in our family, and some of the other information. We were to make lots of copies of these letters and give them to anyone and everyone – and ask them to do the same. Then we were to pray, wait, and go about our lives. My mom handed one of the letters to her doctor – the man who delivered me 29 years earlier.
In the meantime…
There was a young couple at our church that had just gotten married. They had a 5 year old (from
her previous relationship) and a 6 month old (theirs together). Long story short – they were in some medical debt and were trying to get by. Janna and I prayed about it and asked them if they would like to move in with us for 3-4 months, use what money they would have paid to rent and bills to pay off their debts, and then find a new place to live. They said “yes!” and moved in with us – into our 1300 sqft, 3-bedroom/1 bath, home – in the fall of 2002. It was kind of exciting and kind of stressful, but we felt like we were doing what we supposed to do. Later, a friend of ours told us that when she found out we asked the family to move in with us, she told her husband, “God is going to give them a baby.” Thankfully, she was mature enough to not say this to us. We had experienced our fill of “
words from the Lord” (or whatever) concerning God giving us a child.
Note to anyone who senses God is telling you something similar to this: Don’t share it with the couple. They are experiencing some pain and a generally rough time with not conceiving. If God decides to bless them with a child, great. But if He doesn’t, they really don’t need your well-intentioned words of joy…because they won’t be words of joy. Maybe you heard from God correctly…but maybe you didn’t. Write it down and share it later…when it’s a joyous time…and not in an “I knew this already” type of way either. Humility goes a long way…so does just silently being someone’s friend – or talking about a movie or the big game or the new restaurant that just opened.
Back to the story…
After about a month of co-housing with our friends and the bumps and jolts and good times that go along with that – things changed – big time.
It was November 22, 2002 at about 10am. I was at work, in my office at the church. Actually I was taking a break from work and was playing guitar. Specifically, I was working on a song based on Psalm 139 – you know, the poem about being fearf
ully and wonderfully made…in the womb…
13 For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
14 I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
your works are wonderful,
I know that full well.
My phone rings in the office and it’s Janna – who is hysterical…in a happy way. Let me try to re
-create the conversation:
“This is Kent.”
“Kent, there’s a baby.”
“What?”
“[The doctor]* just called me from his office and he has a baby.”
(*I’ve withheld names I don’t have permission to share)
“What do you mean ‘he has a baby’”?
“He delivered a baby 2 days ago and the birth mom is a college student and isn’t able to do this and asked what to do and he gave her our letter and she said ok they sound perfect and he wants to know if we can come today to get the baby.”
“What?! Sure! What?!”
“He said if all is ok then his nurse will call us about noon and give us some details but we need to call our lawyer and all of that.”
“Umm. Ok. So what do we do now?”
“Come home and maybe we’ll go eat lunch or something and wait on the call from the nurse. Ok?”
“Ok, what do I say to folks here at the office?”
“Don’t tell anyone, yet. Ok? Just say you’ll see them later.”
“Yeah, yeah. Ok. Alright, babe. I’ll see you in a few minutes.”
“Ok. I love you.”
“Love you, too, babe.”
So, I slowly laid down my guitar and half-thought/half-prayed something like, “What. In. The world?” I packed up my stuff, told the secretary (and friend) that I had some ‘errands’ to run and that I’d be out the rest of the day, but that I’d see everyone Sunday if not before.
“Ok, see you later, Kent. Have a good one.” (yup)
And went home to get Janna and go grab some lunch. Janna was trying to call our lawyer, but she was in a real estate closing that might take some time.
We sat down with some wonderful comfort food at Silver Bullet Burgers (an amazing joint even though it was usually connected to a gas station) and sat and waited by the cell phone. If I remember correctly, we didn’t talk a whole bunch – just ate nervously. I can’t fully remember. It was a bit of a blur.
Finally, the nurse called from the doctor’s office…I wish I knew her name. She said we could co
me anytime to see the baby – and off we were. As we pulled on to the freeway leading out of Augusta, I remember asking Janna if the baby was a girl or boy – and then I remember being surprised at my own words – because the question hadn’t even occurred to me in all of the chaos. Actually, I think I remember saying, “it’s a girl, isn’t it?” I’m pretty sure Bess was a “Daddy’s girl” before she was named. In the words of a friend of mine, “a pretty girl will make you do a lot of stupid stuff.” Indeed.
We discussed names. You’d think we would have had a top-10 list of names but we didn’t. Maybe we hadn’t discussed names too much because it was too personal. To pick a name inferred that there was a child
to name…and until 2 hours ago…there wasn’t a child – at least that we knew of. Whatever the reason, we needed to name this baby girl. We each threw out a few names (I mean, it was a 2 hour trip) and discussed them. As usual one of us would like a name and the other wouldn’t. Than Janna said, “what about Bess?” I said, “Bess sounds great.” Janna had a friend named Bess – she wasn’t that close to her but really liked the name. I knew of one other Bess – a daughter of a friend of my parents – but that was it. It was a pretty name – a little bit country, a little bit vintage, short, sweet and it seemed to fit. Of course, as soon as people heard the name and responded it soon morphed into “Miss Bess” – a title that seems to fit her.
On the way, Janna got on the phone and began to call her family. At that time all of her family lived nearby: her parents were near the town, one grandmother lived next door to her parents, the other lived with them, one brother was married with a little baby boy, and the other brother was dating (or engaged, I can’t remember). Somehow, some way, she was able to get the ALL to a restaurant because “we were coming into town briefly and wanted to eat with everyone.” Of course there was something fishy in her voice…something excited and urgent…and they all showed up. We called my parents to tell them we were coming into town and “could we spend the night?” Of course we could.
About halfway there our lawyer finally called us. She had been in a long meeting but did get our message. She was thrilled to hear about this baby but there was no way she could drive all that way in the morning. We would need to find a local lawyer – and quickly. For some reason, I do not remember panicking on
this issue. It would get done.
We drove into the town early in the evening and met everyone at the restaurant. It was a large crowd to get seated, but we beat the rush. Everyone was starting to look at their menus and such but we had this “nervous-I’m-going-to-explode-giggly-oh-my-gosh” look on our faces, so I told Janna, “go ahead and tell everyone what’s going on before we explode.” I got everyone’s attention and told them Janna had some news to share.
Now remember…we were the couple that couldn’t conceive. We were the ones that had people praying for us. Our sister-in-law was so cautious about our feelings that she told us about her pregnancy (our nephew was a few months old at the restaurant) before she told her own mother. So when Kent and Janna get the world together at a restaurant and say they have news…well…good, specific news was expected. 16 eyes were focused on Janna (Levi couldn’t focus yet, ha).
“It’s a girl.”
(various yells and questions from the peanut gallery)
Yay! Woo hoo! What? How long have you been…? How do you know it’s a girl already? Wait? Where is she? What? Yay. What?
“She was born 2 days ago. [The doctor], ‘Miss’ Jean’s* doctor, delivered her and called us this morning. We haven’t even met her yet.”
*(Janna still calls my mom ‘Miss’ Jean – sometimes ‘Mama Jean’)
Janna’s mom began to be the spokesperson now. “Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness. Well Levi will have a little cousin about his age won’t he? A baby, a baby, a baby girl. Well when do y’all get to see her?”
“Tomorrow morning we need to find a local lawyer because our lawyer can’t make it from Augusta. We’ll figure that out in the morning.”
And the meal went on…happy times.
Just a bit of a reminder: We were celebrating a daughter, a granddaughter, a niece, and a cousin –
a girl named Bess – a girl we had not seen yet. She was only an idea, the hope of words spoken by a doctor and a nurse. And yet she was very, very real.
On to my parents’ house.
We got there and brought our stuff inside and I told my parents we had some news for them. We all sat down in the den facing each other – us on the couch, them in the 2 big chairs. I got to the point and echoed Janna’s words. “It’s a girl.” The same basic conversation ensued which we had down by then. Ha. My mom told us to call my brother and sister – and to make sure I called my sister first, which we did. When we got to the part about needing a local lawyer my parents said they would call a family friend – “he was a pall bearer at Mimi’s funeral you know.” Really now.
In the morning my mom got on the phone and contacted the lawyer’s office – he quickly got back in touch. He headed down to the hospital and we waited. And waited. And waited.
About noon, 3 hours later, we got a call from the lawyer. The reason things took so long was basically
because he had never done an adoption before. He had been back and forth on the phone and fax machine with our lawyer in Augusta. But, everything went smoothly. But…in the meantime…Bess had been flown via helicopter to the Medical College of Georgia – in Augusta – where we lived. She was a few weeks early and they needed to get her to the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit). Yikes. If we wanted, we could drive to Augusta and go see her…you know, the town where we lived. She had been checked in under her biological last name and that’s how we could find her. So off we went.
About a mile down the road I grabbed the cell phone to call my old college roomate and solid friend since 2nd grade.
“Heyyy man, guess what?”
What?”
“We are adopting a little baby girl!”
“No way! How old is she?”
“3 days old and she’s at the hospital in Augusta. We’re heading back now from my parents’ house.”
“Is she white!?” (A little explanation here: Often, with me at least, he says whatever he thinks without a filter. You really had to be there to hear how he said this. It caught me off guard in a really funny way. My response caught him off guard maybe even more.)
“I…I don’t know. I guess so.”
“What? You don’t know!? What do you mean ‘you don’t know?’”
“I don’t know. We haven’t asked. I guess she is. I mean, the doctor knows my family and all and hasn’t said anything or asked anything, so I just assume she is.”
“Well what if she isn’t?”
“Well we’ll figure that out when we get there.”
“You’re crazy, man. Congratulations. Keep me updated.”
“Alright, man. Will do.”
To be honest, I don’t remember much about the trip there. Not much at all.
I do remember pulling into the parking lot of the Children’s Hospital and walking through the McDonald’s (which was part of the hospital…don’t get me started…a place of healing and health with a franchised fat-seller inside?). I remember finding the arrows pointing to the NICU. I remember holding Janna’s hand as we walked down the hall and saying, “we’re going to meet our little girl.” Janna was very quiet, very happy and as always, beautiful.
We found our way to the check-in window at the NICU and said we were there to see “Baby Girl ____” (biological last name withheld). They let us in. We washed up at the “Wash Up” station – HOT water and soap. A nurse asked us whom we were there to see and we gave her the name.
I will never, ever forget her response: “oh, the pretty baby.”
We are biking around Savannah’s downtown squares tonight. Must quit eating fat. Must move more. Moving about Savannah sans automobile is incredible. Might post pictures. My tires are flat but I’m borrowing a beach cruiser from a neighbor. Do it. 
Savannah in spring time is prettier than your city. Embrace that.
Best line I’ve heard in a long time – “We need to start rethinking adoption in terms of ‘a family for the child’ NOT ‘a child for the family.’ That has been our journey. We first sought adoption because we wanted a child(ren) and couldn’t seem to do it with good ol’ biology. But now our horizon has expanded to see that kids need homes more than we need kids. And foster parents (the good ones, ones not doing it for a check) are heroes. The common, and understandable, push back for many is that it would be too hard and heart-breaking to get close to a child and then let them go. (see above quote)…in other words…it’s about the child. You, I, we are probably doing just fine. They may not.
Planting Seeds and Throwing Rocks 